Dan Savage’s husband, Terry Miller, is more than just the man behind the famous advice columnist. He is the co-founder of the It Gets Better Project, a former swimsuit model, and the devoted father to the couple’s son. Their relationship, which began over two decades ago, helped spark a global movement that has saved countless LGBTQ+ lives. Here’s everything you need to know about Terry Miller, the man who stands beside one of America’s most influential gay voices.
Who Is Terry Miller?
Terry Miller is a Seattle-based event promoter, musician, and DJ. Before he became known as Dan Savage’s husband, he worked as a swimsuit model and was named the first official U.S. ambassador for the Tom of Finland online store. He has also directed adult films, a detail Savage has acknowledged in his writing.
Miller grew up in Spokane, Washington, where his high school years were marked by relentless bullying. He was teased for how he dressed, how his voice sounded, and how he expressed himself. In a candid interview, he described being spit at, shoved, and pushed around in the hallways. At one point, he was thrown down on hardened snow in the school parking lot and had his face shoved into it, scraping the skin off.
When his mother went to the school counselor for help, she was told there was nothing they could do. The counselor suggested the family should simply get used to it. That experience shaped Miller’s understanding of what LGBTQ+ youth face, and it became the foundation for the work he would later do alongside his husband.
How Dan Savage and Terry Miller Met
Dan Savage and Terry Miller have been together for decades. Their relationship began long before same-sex marriage was legal in the United States. The couple spent ten years together before they seriously discussed marriage, a journey Savage documented in his book The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family.
The push to marry came largely from Savage’s mother, who wanted to see her son settled. But the couple wrestled with the idea. They were both in favor of legal same-sex marriage, yet they weren’t sure they needed the institution themselves. Miller suggested they could use tattoos as a way to demonstrate the strength of their relationship instead.
In the end, they decided to wed. They were married in Canada, long before marriage equality became the law of the land in America. Their son, DJ, was a key part of the decision. Savage wrote about the moment his young son told him, “Boys don’t marry boys,” and how that innocent comment underscored the importance of visibility and legal recognition.
The Birth of the It Gets Better Project
In September 2010, Dan Savage and Terry Miller sat down in front of a camera and recorded a video that would change the course of LGBTQ+ activism. The catalyst was a series of tragic suicides by LGBTQ students who had been bullied in school. Savage and Miller wanted to send a simple but powerful message to young people struggling with their identities: it gets better.
In the video, they spoke openly about the bullying they had suffered as teenagers and how they had both gone on to lead rewarding, joyful adult lives. They uploaded it to YouTube, and the response was immediate and overwhelming. The It Gets Better Project was born.
What started as a single video became a global movement. Today, the It Gets Better Project has collected more than 50,000 videos from people around the world, viewed over 50 million times. The organization received an Emmy Award for its impact. Savage and Miller also co-edited a companion book, It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living, which became a New York Times bestseller.
A Family Built on Love and Commitment
Dan Savage and Terry Miller are the proud fathers of their son, DJ. They adopted DJ when he was a baby, and Savage has written extensively about the experience of building a family as a gay couple. In The Commitment, he described the tension between wanting to be a parent and the fear of how the world would treat his family.
Miller became a stay-at-home father while Savage worked as the editorial director of The Stranger, Seattle’s weekly newspaper. Their family dynamic was unusual for its time, but it was also a quiet act of defiance against the notion that gay couples couldn’t raise children in stable, loving homes.
When Savage’s mother was on her deathbed, she had one final message for her son. She told him, “You tell Terry that I loved him like a daughter.” It was a bittersweet moment, a reflection of the complicated journey the family had traveled together.
What Their Story Means Today
Dan Savage and Terry Miller’s relationship is a testament to the power of visibility. When they made that first It Gets Better video, they weren’t just offering hope to bullied teenagers. They were showing the world what a long-term, committed gay relationship looked like at a time when that image was still rare in mainstream media.
Miller’s willingness to share his painful high school experiences, the bullying, the isolation, the shame, gave young people a roadmap. He showed them that the torment they were enduring didn’t have to define the rest of their lives. And Savage’s willingness to be public about his love for Miller, through his writing and his activism, helped normalize something that had been stigmatized for far too long.
Their marriage, their family, and their work have all been part of the same story: a story about refusing to accept the limitations that others try to place on you. It’s a story that continues to resonate, long after that first YouTube video was uploaded.
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